Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Overworked-Overwhelmed- My good friend Laura said to me today, "update your blog". I new from the beginning that I am terrible about keeping a diary. The creative juices don't flow, the thoughts are just not there, and I am just too tired sometimes. But I do enjoy it when I can write something thoughtful or funny and share it with others. So when I started writing this blog the purpose was to follow my steps leading up to the Mrs. Oregon America Pageant, so let's talk about that. Here I am September 13th, the pageant is less than one month away. I have been feeling so confident about all that I have done to prepare up to this point. I bought the dress of my dreams, for about 75% less than I could have gotten it off the rack. I have been a size 10 to 14 usually a 12 for about as long as I can remember. My evening gown for the pageant is a size 6!!! I bought a suit for the interview portion of the pageant; a size 12, it is currently with the seamstress being taken in to fit on my now size 6/8 body. I am 42 years old, and I guess I should not be ashamed to say that I look and feel pretty damn good for my age, I am actually in the best shape of my life. I've never been obese, just at times heavier than I wanted to be, uncomfortable at times. So now here I am, I joined Weight-Watchers about 26 weeks ago, I have lost about 20 pounds in that time and like I said have gone from a size 12 to fitting pretty good in a size 8. So what is the big deal you might be wondering? It's a transition. I am afraid to go out and buy new clothes. At the WW meetings they talk about each milestone and rewarding yourself for reaching a milestone. I have a problem with that for some reason, I did buy two pairs of black pants because I needed them to wear to pageant appearances, that is how I found out I was in a size 8, but other than that, I am swishing around in clothes that are too big for me. Perhaps because I have not been this small for at least 25 years, perhaps because I have tried just about every diet in the book, and gained all lost weight back, perhaps I am waiting for another failure. Perhaps I just want to wait and see if it sticks, will I stay this size and weight? I love it, I feel great, I still have 8 pounds to lose, but that is another frustrating subject for discussion on another day. My husband calls me his "incredible shrinking wife". I wanted to lose weight, so that I would feel better, my motivation to get started was the pageant, I truly hated the thought of joining WW but I needed a kick in the butt and now I am happy that I did. So in less than 4 weeks, I will be parading my size 8 butt, (that will never go away), up on stage in a swim suit. How do I feel? I usually contain my excitement, I don't like to peak too early, I am anxious, a little nervous, and quite overwhelmed in some ways because I still have a lot to accomplish before 7 October. But I am prepared, I don't know why I love to do pageants, why do I put myself through this craziness? Again, that is a discussion for another day.


Carrie Wilson Link said...

You're so amazing! That's a huge loss, and huge accomplishment, Joelle, I'm so proud of you!

me said...
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